A Super-Amaze-O Friend

Have you ever wanted a super-amaze-o friend? What’s a super amaze-o friend, you might ask. One who does ridiculous things all the time, who is constantly full of energy and excitement. A person who always has awesome stories to tell, and makes even mundane trivial life pursuits sound superb in the re-telling. Here’s a sneak peak of what you can get:
-Once, my dad grew this super huge watermelon in our backyard. It weighed something like eight pounds. When I left to go back up to Tallahassee, he sent it with me, I suppose he thought it would be sustenance. Since it weighed eight pounds, I said it was like carrying around a baby, so I named it Wally. My roommates and I drew a face on it and gave it a scarf and a hat, and planned a Wally Eating Party, because he would need to be eaten sometime soon. He was sitting on the counter one day, the day before the party, my roommate and I went into the kitchen doing various things. The next thing we know, we hear “shhhunk” and Wally had fallen right off the counter and cracked in half on the floor. We outlined him with chalk and took pictures. We had to buy another watermelon, on whom we drew a very sad face, and we carved him up and ate him the next night. 

Here’s a testimonial from one of our satisfied customers:

“I’ve never been more satisfied than I am with my super amaze-o friend! You can’t beat that tried and tested loyalty, and so versatile! Good for cookies, hugs, it can be used as a pillow, and so easy to cart around!” – Lara, 21

-It’s been brought to my attention that I bake a lot of cookies. And cakes. And other miscellaneous items. Especially when my #1 cohort Lara is in town. Once we made about five batches of cookies. Each batch is something like three dozen, right? So it was something like 180 cookies. That doesn’t sound like many but… we took them to Japanese class and tried to give them away and failed.

Don’t be fooled by competitor’s inferior products! The Trace-O-Magic brand super amaze-o friend is simply the best. Always available for conversation, humor, and sage advice. You’ll find yourself interacting with your Trace-O-Magic super amaze-o friend all the time!

We don’t offer a money-back guarantee because we know you will be satisfied with the Trace-O-Magic X9000!

“I’ve had my super amaze-o friend for well over a year and I simply can’t be happier with it. I used to dread social interaction, but with the Trace-O-Magic X9000, conversation is a breeze. and it’s dishwasher safe!” – Andrew, 27

-Three of my friends have birthdays that are rather consecutive to each other. One is on August 14th (Matt), another is August 15th (Katherine), and the third is August 27th (Becky). Conveniently school generally started the following Monday after Becky’s birthday. My last year of college, I decided that I needed to make it memorable, so I planned an epic tri-birthday extravaganza. The day started with all of my friends coming over for breakfast, then I sent Becky, Katherine, and Matt out on Matt’s gift, which was a treasure hunt! This gave us preparation time… because we built Becky a barn and Katherine got a cake with the Naruto anime character Kakashi on it.

With purchase, THESE KINDS OF AMAZE CAN BE YOURS. Comes standard with eight years of history backed up on Livejournal.com, AIM, and a g-mail email address for swift and efficient communication. For an extra bonus cost, two years of Japanese study is also available, as well as the “Trials and Travails of Trying to Get to Japan” booster pack and the “Guide to Cute Japanese Boys in Popular Culture!” and “Fashion in MMORPGs” add-ons!

“When I first bought my Trace-O-Magic X9000, I was hideously dressed and wearing awful gear. She saw to it that I was not only properly itemized for my class, but also relatively fashionable looking. Also, since I bought the Trace-O-Magic X9000, I have been inundated with pictures of so-called ‘cute Japanese boys.’ I don’t really understand why, but I think it’s some sort of conversion ritual. The Trace-O-Magic X9000 also offers insights into popular Japanese television shows at all hours! Nary a day goes by when I do not learn some new amazing fact about MA [Musical Academy] or Boxing Drama [he means 1 Pound no Fukuin]” – Josh, 27.

How much does this cost, you ask? An eighteen billion double dollar investment, yours for just a small investment of time and a bit of amusement on your part*. AND THAT’S NOT ALL.

When you purchase the deluxe Trace-O-Magic X9000, you get a Laramatic 5000 for FREE**. That’s right, two AMAZE O FRIENDS for the price of ONE. And if you place your subscription in the next twenty minutes, we’ll include the Japan booster pack for free. A ten billion double dollar value! Act now!
* For best efffiency, requires cookies. Does not include 20-oz Mountain Dew Slurpee as batteries.
** Normal subscription rates apply upon activation.